cooler. drier. better.

band marketing 101

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:42:28 -0400

band marketing 101

A taste of mischief: With our local paper we received free...

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:34:14 -0400

A taste of mischief:

With our local paper we received free cookies packaged inexplicably with a harlequin romance novel excerpt.

I like this postal code better when marketers thought we were old and lawn-care oriented.

this movie was not very realistic

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 13:37:00 -0400

Driving home from the movie theater last night around midnight, I tuned the radio to the CBC. I do this whenever the four rock radio stations on the car’s presets are aligning in a perfect storm of “ordinary people having a conversation about a product or local business and one of them is way too excited about it” commercials or when the two local stations are both playing the Doobie Brothers and the Edge is playing moody 80s synth-pop and Alex Hindmarch is on Q107 talking little-known Who facts.

My friend Brent and I had just seen District 9. It has aliens exploding humans and alien-human hybrids and spaceships and heart. It was good. I was happy.

The CBC Radio 1 was airing a documentary consisting of brief interviews with UFO conspiracy theorists. The first line I heard was “Why are the aliens raping human women?”

“To create alien-human hybrids, of course. I saw one at a UFO convention a few years ago. He looked like a regular human but there was something different in… in his aura, like maybe he had been implanted with some technology to broadcast alien messages to the people of Earth.”

They then cut to the guy who thinks that Nazi Germany retreated to Inner Earth, the secret domain inside our hollow planet, at the end of the Second World War, and that UFOs come from the poles (gateways to Inner Earth, of course) and are piloted by Nazi aliens.

I tuned back to the Doobie Brothers.

sleep well?: Who wouldn’t want to wake up to this every...

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 05:58:42 -0400

sleep well?:

Who wouldn’t want to wake up to this every morning?

joy!: 1. Sneak up behind Sherry 2. Focus and adjust...

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 22:18:12 -0400

joy!:

1. Sneak up behind Sherry
2. Focus and adjust exposure
3. Poke Sherry
4. Release shutter

contemplation: Tudor craves chocolate.

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 19:36:26 -0400

contemplation:

Tudor craves chocolate.

providence, commerce: The Royal York has an opulent ceiling.

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 19:36:22 -0400

providence, commerce:

The Royal York has an opulent ceiling.

massive emergency: An ominous way to promote a sidewalk sale.

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 12:47:24 -0400

massive emergency:

An ominous way to promote a sidewalk sale.

orange twist: Amy strikes a seductive donut-reaching pose. But...

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 12:47:19 -0400

orange twist:

Amy strikes a seductive donut-reaching pose. But this is not a real Tim Hortons, because when was the last time you saw a Tim Hortons serving Orange Twists?

Katie and Joe Got Married: I put some photos of the wedding on...

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 21:53:41 -0400

Katie and Joe Got Married:

I put some photos of the wedding on the Facebooks.

just like grandma used to make

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:35:55 -0400

just like grandma used to make

20X3

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 12:34:00 -0400

This article from Chartattack about The Constantines’ sophomore album appeared in my newsreader as a “new item” and I briefly panicked and wondered if I had Life-On-Mars‘ed back to 2003. I checked my collar and my pantlegs for tell-tale widening before realizing that a) it was just a CMS glitch and I am not unstuck in time and b) I dress the same now as I did six years ago and I should have looked for a newspaper or felt around for my long flowing locks of hair.

Sidenote: The first time I met the Sherry (2004) I was wearing a shirt I had accidentally set fire to earlier that day.

yield: Okay yes for next gardening season I promise I’ll...

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 12:33:22 -0400

yield:

Okay yes for next gardening season I promise I’ll get a digital camera.

The cherry tomatoes pictured fell off the vine on accident but their on-vine compatriots are showing hints at redness today.

poutine, eh?: Most Canadian game of scrab yet. Sherry is...

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 19:39:07 -0400

poutine, eh?:

Most Canadian game of scrab yet. Sherry is livid.

fun time family values: This copy won out over “fun time...

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 10:31:14 -0400

fun time family values:

This copy won out over “fun time white Christian heritage” in the board room.

time travel: Know who has two fingers and likes to help...

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 23:05:27 -0400

time travel:

Know who has two fingers and likes to help reconstruct Historic Fort Willow near Grenfel, Ontario? This guy.

The ecological disaster that is dolphin safe tuna

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:19:00 -0400

The ecological disaster that is dolphin safe tuna:

“In other words… the only species that “dolphin safe” tuna is good for is dolphins! The bycatch rate for EVERY OTHER species is lower when fishing dolphin-associated tuna vs. floating object associated tuna! The reason for this is obvious- floating objects attract everything nearby, while dolphins following tuna doesn’t attract any other species. If you work out the math on this (and you don’t have to, because the environmental justice foundation did) , you find that 1 dolphin saved costs 382 mahi-mahi, 188 wahoo, 82 yellowtail and other large fish, 27 sharks, and almost 1,200 small fish.”

eclectric oil: Sherry’s mother stockpiles this stuff and...

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 22:46:21 -0400

eclectric oil:

Sherry’s mother stockpiles this stuff and uses it to cure bruises and lameness.

We found these bottles in a museum in Southampton.

Stop the presses!

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 19:22:36 -0400

Stop the presses!

crisis on infinite faces

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:01:21 -0400

It’s true. I shaved off my beard.

I hadn’t planned on making it permanent, I just had a skin problem under there I thought the world deserved to see. But this clean-shavenness has resonated in a way I could not have predicted. Corwin has launched an in memoriam photo group on the flickr. People at work think Sherry made me do it. Sherry wakes up in the morning and scowls at my bare face.

I’ve also caused another problem for myself: I need a haircut and I can’t get through on the phone to the lady who cuts my hair and in the meantime I have big sideburns and big hair so I look like an aficionado of rockabilly.

No images are being posted of me in this state because the internet is already at capacity for photos of vain twentysomethings holding their cell-phones in the bathroom mirror.